and Words
Give me a job, give me security
Give me a chance to survive
I′m just a poor soul in the unemployment line
My God, I’m hardly alive
My mother and father, my wife and my friends
You see them laugh in my face
But I′ve got the power, and I’ve got the will
I’m not a charity case
I′ll take those long nights, impossible odds
Keeping my eye in the keyhole
If it takes all that to be just what I am
Well, I′m gonna be a blue collar man
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
In March 2020, we received an unconventional message at work. I attended to some work tasks as the message came in. Microsoft instructed us to work from home for the foreseeable future due to COVID-19, the pandemic. They anticipated that this situation might last for about three weeks. I finished my work day as usual, but I packed up my laptop. My desktop had considerably more storage (and processing power), but moving it home would be considerably more work. I could accomplish most tasks by connecting to it remotely.
As the weeks turned into months, I broke down and invested in equipment to streamline working from home. First came the standing desk that allowed me to work while walking. Naturally, this also included a desk treadmill. Next, I invested in some ultra-adjustable monitor mounts to outfit that desk. With their blessing, I brought home a couple of the 4k monitors from my office desk. My desk resembled the one from Swordfish.
On an otherwise ordinary day of remote work, they scheduled me for a cryptic late morning meeting. I click on the link to open the meeting in Teams. I see a familiar face, the director of my division, and an unfamiliar face, who ends up being human resources. However, they deliver the news swiftly. They eliminated my position.
Information avalanched in the ensuing minutes. Honestly, the only truly useful piece of information was that everything they told me would be provided in writing. The meeting subsequently ended as quickly as it started. The result of this drive-by meeting? I’d no longer be employed.
This meeting takes place two days before my 29th anniversary. In that moment, everything moves but without control. I felt like I had hit a patch of black ice as I slid helplessly into impact. For a split second, the motion elicits a distinct peace; it felt almost majestic. Violence and chaos soon followed, and my entire future is unknown.
Naïvely, I thought I was immune. However, I didn’t necessarily believe I was better or more valuable than anyone else. I simply reasoned that if Microsoft was inclined to get rid of me, they would’ve done it long before the 29 years. Today, the only work home I have ever known will no longer be.
I did not possess an encyclopedic knowledge of programming languages, nor did I have the entire OS architecture mapped out in my head. However, after years of programming among some very gifted (and adversarial) programmers, I discovered I exhibited two very useful traits. First, I rarely made the same mistake twice; I’ve often described my experiences as either battle scars or ‘mapping out the minefield’. Second, I keep my wits under pressure; the more chaotic the circumstances, the more focused I become.
My instincts and engineering sensibilities kick in. The most effective way to manage a problem is to simplify it; break it down. Simplify a multi-variable equation into a single-variable equation. The first task I needed to attend to was to tell my wife; she’s my life partner. Her office sits one flight of stairs from mine, but her meetings typically last until noon.
The news naturally shocked her, but she remained calm. Initially, I had it under control, but when I needed help, I asked for it.
I can’t adequately articulate the sense of betrayal I felt after decades-long service to the company. Having moved cross-country after graduation, Microsoft became my culture. I didn’t establish or maintain friends who spoke Cantonese or Spanish, and those language skills atrophied. I was fiercely loyal to the company. I owned (and still miss) products like Zune and Windows Phones. Teammates often referred to me as an ambassador to the company. In many respects, Microsoft was all I knew. How do you quantify that loyalty?
Microsoft did not reciprocate. I merely represented that five-digit employee number on that blue badge. My employment affected a figure on some ‘profit and loss’ columns in a table somewhere. Microsoft lackadaisically adjusted those numbers the way I adjust the mirrors on my car. However, adjusting my mirrors does not cost someone their livelihood and self-esteem.
I composed a farewell message and sent it. Microsoft has a tradition where they grant you a crystal award for each five years of tenure; the thirty-year award was beautiful. Initially, I wanted to land back in the company, but pragmatically, I cast a wide net on my job search. That crystal became that itch that needed scratching, my Moby Dick.
The job search eventually lands me at TPCi (The Pokémon Company International) after a referral from an old friend. She was, in fact, the stepsister of my neighbor over a decade earlier. I went from making products that people rely on (Windows) to a product that simply makes people happy.
Years later, I don’t even remember that itch anymore.
Naturally, I grew up listening to Styx on the radio. ‘Blue Collar Man’ blended into the collection of songs from this rock band. Honestly, those songs sounded a little too similar, and they mentally landed in the category of ‘Styx’. Furthermore, as a teenage boy who continued to learn a new language, the words didn’t resonate.
Months ago, I discovered a rendition of Blue Collar Man by Tommy Shaw and the Contemporary Youth Orchestra. This rendition struck and pulled at my heartstrings. Those words haunted me:
Give me a job, give me security
Give me a chance to survive
I′m just a poor soul in the unemployment line
My God, I’m hardly alive
In an instant, it thrusts me back to that moment nearly five years ago. It led me to listen to the original Styx rendition. Both convey the desperation of losing your job. The earlier rendition feels more like an angry demand from frustration; the more recent version feels like a soulful plea for help. For all these decades, this little song about unemployment sat here; I’m just glad I found it.
I’m the son of Chinese immigrants; we grew up with modest means. My sister and I graduated on the same day, the first to graduate from college in my family. I waited on tables until mere weeks before my start at Microsoft.
During the darker days of my job search, I occasionally pondered if I would wait on tables again should the need arise. Though I didn’t need to contemplate it for very long, I would’ve done it proudly. It’s part of who I am.