and Words
Don′t think sorry’s easily said
Don′t try, turnin’ tables instead
You’ve taken lots of chances before
But I ain′t gonna give anymore
Don′t ask me
That’s how it goes
′Cause part of me knows what you’re thinkin′
Don’t say words you′re gonna regret
Don’t let the fire rush to your head
I’ve heard the accusation before
And I ain′t gonna take any more
Lyric excerpts from Musixmatch.
I discovered a considerable amount of music during high school. In many ways, this time in my life was magical. The radio became a way to listen to music for free. For the low, one-time cost of a transistor radio, we got unlimited music, and new music at that. My musical taste centers mostly around hard rock. In many ways, my journey first started with Def Leppard. My fascination easily extended to other hard rock bands.
Of course, there were exceptions. An occasional soft-rock song piqued my interest. As I entered high school, The Alan Parsons Project’s ‘Eye in the Sky’ dominated the airwaves. Initially, it didn’t receive my attention, but eventually it won me over. Many songs play soft-toned music. The human voices sounded more like dialogue than lyrics. However, it contained something intriguing.
Honestly, this tune fascinated me, not because of the music or words per se, but instead because it made me ponder. I couldn’t listen to it without thinking about what it all meant.
In my early schooling, I attended a Madre Cabrini Catholic school in Rio Piedras, Puerto Rico. We wore uniforms in a muted green/brown pattern. They divided our studies into classes: reading, math, history, English, and religion. We had a dedicated religion class. I learned about the apostles, though I learned their names in Spanish. Years later, this caused much confusion when I didn’t realize that ‘John’ was among the apostles. Nuns taught the occasional class. Those stories from the bible recited to us as if they were history, uncontestable in their accuracy. Why would one question the parting of the Red Sea any more than Columbus’s sail from Spain?
About 90% of Puerto Ricans are Catholic. That air of absolute truth and unconditional faith escaped the confines of the school grounds. Adults stipulate rules upon children that we do not understand, like ‘do not talk with your mouth full’. As children, we eventually relent and comply, not fully understanding what it all means. Religion became a collection of stories and rituals that became mechanical. I learned rituals like crossing myself upon entering a church or taking my first communion.
Years later, I transitioned to the public school system in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. I spent that first year in a bilingual classroom among Spanish-speaking kids who spanned all grades. However, during recess, we were all let out into the wild to spend our time in what seemed to a 10-year-old boy to be a vast field. While the lessons in the classroom helped improve my understanding of English, those conversations during recess really drove the need to learn the language.
I befriended a curious boy, one year my junior; his name was David. We spent time together during every recess. I learned enough English to at least carry on a conversation, and he learned about that Spanish-speaking Chinese boy from the bilingual classroom. As winter approached, I asked David what he’d be doing for Christmas. The smile left his face, and he quietly responded, “My family is Jewish; we don’t celebrate Christmas.”
David and I remained friends, though his parents moved him to a private school shortly after that. However, that conversation with David taught me that there’s considerable nuance to those stories recited in those classrooms, and that truth was a relative thing.
As I listened to the words to this song, I wondered who this eye is in the sky? My first guess is that it was god; the reference to sky and heaven seemed natural. It starts with merely observing (or ‘looking at you’); this may be simply surveillance. However, it then moves to a more invasive reading of your mind; this is now clearly into the ‘beyond human capability’ realm. Lastly, what about being the ‘maker of rules… who can cheat you blind’?
If I had doubts about its references, they evaporated upon seeing the album cover. It featured Eye of Ra, a reference to Egyptian mythology. I won’t tell you that an 80s soft rock song by a British band holds the secrets of the universe. However, this song permitted me to think about god differently. I may finally question the ideas of benevolence and omniscience. While some may consider it heresy, it was done. The bell had been rung; we kicked open Pandora’s Box. I won’t say it demolished the pillar of my faith, but it allowed me to deviate from its strict, unyielding standards. Did the Red Sea really part, or is that simply a fable designed to teach us a lesson?
For a while, my family drove for over an hour each way to attend church services at a Chinese Baptist church in South Miami. Initially, I assumed our attendance had something to do with our faith. It didn’t. The Chinese community in South Florida was scattered; we lacked a centralized location where we might meet. Attending church allowed us to interact with members of our community.
My mom leaned heavily on our community once we moved to Florida; it made sense for us to expand our social network. I did not object to our family seeking ways to interact with our community. However, I did object to any suggestion made within the confines of that building to have a higher mandate implicitly. For instance, the Chinese community will often encourage the children of new immigrants to retain their first language, and similarly will criticize those who do not. Retaining your first language has little to do with faith, but when mentioned by church leaders, it is a higher calling. It shouldn’t be.
Upon discovering this subtle but clear distinction, I was empowered to reason through all the drives and motivations in my life. I grew up among three communities: Chinese, Puerto Rican, and American. They were often in conflict with each other. I’m a complex and eclectic mix of those cultures. At times, I struggled with discovering who I really am. In the end, I choose to live my life by my own set of rules rather than those arbitrary rules imposed upon me.
It all started with the ability to question, and this song contributed to that spirit.